​Hey Mama's, welcome back. I am really excited about this topic you guys. I can't actually believe that haven't talked about this topic until now because I'm so passionate about this. It's something that actually what I'm give read. You know, I always start a quote. Well today, I'm gonna start with like a long quote or more like a poem kind of but it is a poem that I have had hanging on my place business since I started back in. I don't really want date myself but a long time ago as as I graduated college and started my first job. I hung this poem on my desk and everywhere. I went since then including in this office in my where I am right now. This is hanging and I have lived by this for so long and so I'm really excited to And upon because I'm gonna read you the poem we're gonna talk about it, but it's not just what this poem says. It's something else that happened today that made me even take this thinking to another level so Here we go. First of the poem which is called attitude by Charles Swindoll and I don't even remember like Charles Swindoll. I he's a preacher. Honestly. This is not like I had no He was a Christian or anything when I pulled this poem and he's an author but I didn't read any of his books that I'm to my knowledge my remembering I don't know where I saw this but the second saw it. I printed it out. I actually rewrote it and like colored on it and everything. can still remember the paper actually think I still have the original paper. I
 
have since Rewritten it but it's in I think a drawer mine. But anyway, I digress so it's called attitude. And it like this the longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life attitude to me is more important than the past then education then money then circumstances then failures then successes. Then what other people think or say or do it is more important than appearance giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company a church a school a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude. We will Embrace for that day. We cannot change the past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it with you. We are in charge of our attitudes. y'all If that is not so true, then I don't know what it because it is so important. Our attitude is so important and the best part about it is is that we get to control it. And even when we are faced whatever we're faced with we get to choose how we react to it. And so while I have talked about that in the past what I have this realization today is I was listening to our I'm a brand partner for a company a Lifestyle brand and were having our weekly like update call that we and the founder was talking about taking responsibility and that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today. So taking responsibility.
 
So and she was just talking about how you when you take responsibility you're in control just like our attitude right and we get to choose if we take responsibility or not, but when you don't take responsibility when blame others, you are actually giving them your control. It's kind like even forgiveness right and forgiveness works the same way. Like if you don't forgive someone you're actually punishing yourself by Forgiving that person and just like blaming someone else actually gives them control and it doesn't give you the control because you're not taking any responsibility. So even if that person has The you some responsibility and I'm they do they have their responsibility, but you also have yours and so we have to actively choose to accept that responsibility and whatever it is that we're facing that up against that we're dealing with in our daily lives as moms that can a right? We have a on our plates, right and so, you maybe your husband forgot to take out the trash maybe your child forgot to pick their shoes. Maybe that happens like to mine ever. Remember to pick the shoes. No, they're just dream about no matter where they came in or when they decided to have hazardly take them their feet, but I digress so it is just about taking responsibility for the way that you react to that and you know, do you scream and do you take the shoes and them where they belong or do you you know make them come and get the shoes? Even where they like let them be and take make them take responsibility by comment taking the shoes right and putting them where they are. Like if you haven't set up a system in place like hey, you know take some responsibility in that Like let's set up a system. This is what we with the shoes that are you when you come in the
 
this is they go. And if you already have a system then what your consequence right? Like if your shoes aren't where they're supposed be. So this just a very small example of ways that you can take responsibility even when it's not necessarily, you your thought that the shoes are there. However, what responsibility can you take in that moment? When you recognize that this not Behavior. You to have happening right? What responsibility can you take in that moment to get a different result next time to you have them take a bit of ownership and responsibility themselves. Like what can you do in that moment? So, you with the attitude quote the responsibility is the same exact way and it's so is relating to one another that was like I was just kind I don't why my mind was blown today, but was like, oh gosh it is so true because when get in the daily of your life, you can blame all these other people and especially you guys going into the holidays. You can start to think that you you just have so much going on. There's so things like you have to get this done. There's shopping, you there's a of things that do every day in life, but around the holidays there tends be number one more going on and then number two more that you're responsible for because you if you're buying gifts that you're you you're buying gifts for the kids you're buying gifts for your spouse you're buying gifts for you know in laws, you're buying gifts for whomever ever you're buying gifts for but it's not just like one birthday present right? It's everybody gets a gift all at the time. Is probably extra, you things that you're committed to in the evenings or Christmas parties or you for us it's like choir performances Dance with dance performances different things that happening that don't happen at all. The times of year that are all kind concentrated
 
into the holidays. And so in to deal with that we need to have some tools, right we need to have some coping strategies and we need to maybe set some things in and maybe take some responsibility instead of you screaming because you're at your Wit's End, you know, maybe now is the that you think okay, what could I have done differently or what could I do to prevent that next time? and you I think Jen that's the founder. She was talking about a canoe, right and she had a whole different, you way that she was talking about this but it all about, you where co-creating and working together and all of this but it made me think of a time where my dad and I we took my daughters individually one at time out in a kayak on this like what's it called? I know. It's like an inlet of water right? It's not the ocean but it is called sound. That's what it is. It's in the Outer Banks and we were there and we were on this kayak and you know, my dad had an or and I had an hour and he in front and I was in back and you know, I was trying to guide him on what where we were going right? I telling him what to Well, he his own plan of what to do and you when we kind started getting further out and You my child wanted to turn around because she started to get kind nervous. We were my dad was cutting kind of starting to panic because like the canoe or the kayak wasn't going the way we wanted it the the current of the water was cheat was changing a bit and it was like pulling us where we didn't want to be and there like an area where we definitely didn't want go and you know, I was trying to tell him we oh, we each had our own or right.
 
So if one person only had an hour then we just go in a circle right like and that's what kind Jen was talking about and but we each had an and you he wasn't doing what I told him to do. Right? Like he like kind panicking thinking he knew better what to All and so he was doing what he thought he should do. Right? And so I finally gave up telling him what he should do and I just, you know reacted to what he was doing. So if he doing the thing that told him not to that I to do the opposite or whatever or I had to like figure out what he doing and I had to do the opposite thing or or the thing I knew was gonna make us move and I'd Dad now, do you see we're doing this or whatever and I'd be okay, so listen to me and so, you know, I had to I took responsibility right I could just kept screaming at him to change what was doing to do what wanted him do but instead because he was like panicking I like, okay no, Danielle. What can do to change the situation? And what I could do was I could change what I was doing instead doing what I wanted do and what I knew was gonna get us back to shore. I started reacting to what he was doing and then talking to him Dad. See do you how we're going, you And then we actually then he started listening to me. And then as as he started listening to me and we started working together, we got back very quickly, right and he was like laughing later. He was like if I would have just listen to you right from the beginning which you I am always like saying just listen to me and you you mom is always right, right and though it wasn't my it was at the it was my dad and that's just as bad right like they all think we all think we know best right but usually usually I'm right Anyway, I digress because I love saying that right but I'm not always right right like we're not always right, but you and
 
it doesn't matter. That's the point of this story I guess is that it doesn't matter if you're right or not. If the other person is doing actions that you don't want them to be doing you have to take control you have to take responsibility you get to decide how you react to that right? And so then you can change your actions and hopefully if They're going to see what you're doing. Your child is going to see how this actually helps right if they pick up their shoes and put them then they where they are the next time then when they go to try to put on their shoes, they actually are in the spot and if you know, or then my dad, you know realizes that you know, we're going in the right direction now, maybe I should listen to her right and so you have to take the responsibility first. And if they never change they never change right and maybe you have to set up some other type of consequence or something like that, right? But in most cases if you take responsibility, you're going to at get the control back, right and you're at going to make the situation better for yourself. And that is what we are looking to do here, right? Because we are trying to make things better. We are trying to get on this path for discovering our true north and take this journey to become a better person and that is going to be hard. We are gonna face opposition. We are going to come against a of things and we want make sure that we are choosing the right attitude every right but that we are also taking responsibility in all things in all It doesn't matter if we're right or if wrong we're taking responsibility where where it should taken, right? So I wanted to read one more quote for me for you from the Dalai Lama.
 
So this quote is from the Dalai Lama and he says when you everything is someone else's fault you will suffer a When you realize that everything Springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy. So you guys he is saying the Dalai Lama is saying when you think someone else someone else's always at fault, like you're always going to be blaming. You're always going to be in state of. You know not peace not Joy, right? Like they are you're blaming them. So they're in control of your situation. They're in control of your feelings, right? You're letting them control your pain, right? You are blaming them instead of taking responsibility. You are blaming them. And so never going be able to find peace or Joy when you're blaming others, you have to take the responsibility in whatever the situation is. And in that responsibility, you will then find peace or Joy, even if it's a situation that you cannot change and that you cannot control you will find the peace and knowing that you can't change it and you can't control it right because you cannot change other people they're going to change on their own accord. They're going to change if they want to right but you can't make them and they're not always going to change and so you're just gonna have to Find the piece and the joy in accepting the situation as it is but not in blaming them for it. Right because you give up that control and when you do that, you're giving them the power you're giving them the power and you're never to be happy when you think someone else has power over you, right? I hope this is making sense. I hope this is resonating with you. This was kind like short and sweet one. But I'm try to
 
keep them really short and sweet through this holiday season because I know we don't have all the time in the world to listen to podcasts during this time. We have so much going on. Hopefully you can listen to this while you're doing something else right multitasking. Like I always do when I listen to my patent cast, but I hope you found this helpful and I cannot wait to talk to again next week.

​Welcome back mama's I am excited that it is Thanksgiving day. And you may be listening to me on Thanksgiving. If you have taken the time out your Thanksgiving Day to listen this podcast. First of let me say thank you very much. I am honored that you are spending some your Thanksgiving Day with me, but I want to talk to today about something that I just had a really big lesson in and when I thinking about what I would talk about this week, I'm like, what should do? What should talk about? I'm oh my gosh. This is it. So it's all about doing it messy. You guys doing it messy taking the action doing the things that you know need to be done or you want to do but you may not know exactly how to do it all but just going anyway taking the steps. Anyway, seeing the step in front and just keep moving forward, right? This is what I wanted talk to about today and what I am like learning along the I didn't used be very good at this. Like I always was fly the seat of pants and jump in and you I don't like a script like I never script out my podcast or anything like that. I usually have a quotes that hopefully keep me on track and I try not to too long right like but I always I just speak from the heart right, but that's not what I mean by doing it messy. I mean when you are In you you're doing something that haven't done before like I've done this podcast before I talk all the Like I feel like I am well 

versed you a of the subjects that I talk about and so that's not really doing it messy what I is you know what I just did this past weekend and I'm pause and I'm I'm gonna because last week I totally Breeze through and my quote wasn't until like halfway through so I have couple quotes. I want share with you today. I think and one for sure is this one from Mahatma Gandhi and it says it's the action not the fruit of action that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may be in power may not be in your time that there will any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing there will no results. So I felt like that one I like is that the one I want do but actually for motherhood that one spoke to me so much because you know you for for your business or for making yourself better or things like that that you maybe doing it messy like just taking the steps forward. You're probably gonna see results right? Like you're going to see some results. But when do things like this with your kids like we're always doing it messy. Right? Like it doesn't have to be we you you've never done this before right when you become a mother your first child, like you've never done this before and you're doing it all messy, right and you don't know what that's gonna look like. You don't know what results are gonna come from it. You don't know if you're gonna see the fruits of results like you don't know but you just take the action and you move forward because you know that if don't do that if don't instill values, you don't make the corrections if you don't, you know discipline if you don't Do these things that are hard and that you mess it up half the time you wind up yelling you, you know you go off and you do these things that 

you thought. Oh, gosh, I would never do that. Right but you do them and you mess up along the but you're taking the action and the result is hopefully this child, right? That is gonna learn right from wrong. That is Gonna Learn, you know how to behave that is going to learn all these things. But if you don't do it, if you just, you know, don't do the hard and you don't mess up along the way then you're gonna have this kid that is ruling your house. Right? So thought that was really appropriate for motherhood. And then also just for anything that you're trying to do because if you don't take the action, if you don't take the steps moving towards that true north, you we keep talking about this is kind what my whole podcast is around is about right like finding your true north figuring out what's important to And then taking steps in your life to make yourself better to grow to move yourself forward taking actions making decisions doing things that maybe you've never done before right, but we're gonna do a messy. We're gonna do it messy, right? Like when I start when people start podcasts and I'm still at the beginning of my journey, right? Like they are probably really bad at it and I'd like think that wasn't really bad at it, but I'm sure I'm going to get better. Like know I'm going get better. I hope I'm not terrible but If I look back like what I be in future, this might really terrible, right and there's a lot of people like I heard Trent Shelton Trent Shelton has millions and millions of followers. He you he's will play football and he has a huge following and business and different things and he a podcast and he all kinds of things and when looks back at how he used speak and how he used to talk. He's like, oh my gosh, he's like, can't even listen, you know, it was terrible whatever and I'm I'll look back at this one day and think the thing 

in the of it, right? You are just taking the action, you know, you're messing up. Like I know I'm editing things out. I'm doing things that are like, oh gosh. I probably shouldn't have said or maybe shouldn't have but I do it messy and you leave it in because if you don't do it and move forward then you are going to never do it. Right? Like there's no result. They can come if it's a bad result. We always learn From our failures. We always learn from our mistakes. We always learn from these things. I have a oh gosh it fell down. I have a I have a quote hanging behind my head which it's now on floor because it evidently it fell down. It says there is no failure. You either win or learn so when you try something and you take messy action, I'm gonna tell you a story about why I think this was like in my head this week and it's because I don't know if you guys last week I told you that was doing this Mastermind. It was called the mom is ready to find mental health success Mastermind and I interviewed 10 experts, you know, it was supposed start on Friday who's actually supposed to start on November 11th, and I had to push it back to November 17th because I was having so many Tech issues and different things that we're going wrong that there was no way for me to fix all of that and get it promoted in way that I wanted prior to the 11th and even moving back to the 17th. I knew it wasn't going to be the way wanted it. However Or I knew that going into the holidays is when moms need this stuff most that's when they need to learn how to improve joy in their life to reduce stress in their life to be more present with your kids. Like this is the time of year that that is really hard. It's always hard right but this time of year, especially and was like, I do not want push 

this off any longer the longer I push it off, you you're up against Thanksgiving then you're into the Christmas holidays like moms need this now and so I move forward I did it. I you know all of my experts because of all the tech issues couldn't even promote it until like the few days leading up to the event and maybe it didn't get as much play as it should have. I don't know right a of the experts probably didn't even get to promote it the that they would have if it when it supposed to be but I just wanted to push forward and move forward and the reason Is is that if I didn't then you number one like who knows when it would the right time right? It's never the right time. But number two who needed that now like who needed what I had come up with what I put together what I had done all of this work for there are people that needed that right now they needed that right now, you know, and if I would put off, I have no idea, you know, if those people would be the same people maybe they wouldn't be you know, but I feel like everything happens for a reason and this was just my first Mastermind, right? Like I will do that again, I will do it again. The interviews were amazing the feedback I've had has been great if you listened or you you know, got your ticket or whatever you can actually still get replay. So it was over on Tuesday, but I'm replaying it like it's up alive through the weekend so you can still go register and get right now. So if you're listening to this as you know, it's Least on November 23rd, you can still get it through this weekend. I'll drop in the show notes how you will you will be to register and get that and you'll all 10 interviews and all 10 people dropped like a freebie that goes along with that interview so that you didn't just hear what said and you could actually take it and put into practice but I digress so 

back to the doing it messy. So I just pushed forward you guys. I was actually going to be in the Bahamas so out the country when it released I was leaving for Bahamas on Friday morning and that's it released. So I like, okay Mom. You've got to subscribe. You've to check on every morning and tell me if it's up if it's running, you just send me a I even know if I'm gonna be to get on me internet which I could get on the internet, but it unsecured and so it didn't work well and I couldn't do what I needed to do from over there to change or do anything. Thankfully it was going well and the automation that Up was you was working properly you guys but like it was it took a big like leap of faith. I was just trusting God and I was trusting that I was supposed do this and this was supposed happen and it was going to work in the timing that it was supposed work in right? I had chosen a date to this and already had to it back but wasn't gonna push it any further. I wasn't going to allow it to not be messy. I was going to take the action and to continue moving forward because I felt like that the right thing to do. And so whatever it is that you're making a decision for in life. Just know that you can do it messy. Just take that step like take that step forward. I would like to say that if you are moving forward in any, you towards any goal whether it be a you know, a career goal a business goal a personal Or whatever it is. You will do it messy before you do it well. And it's never going be perfect. It's never going perfect. Right and so it when start right, it's never gonna be a perfect when you start doesn't matter if you start now and do it messy or if you start later something about it is still going to be messy. So you have to take that messy action. 

So I have another quote that I wanted to share. And this one. I have no idea how to pronounce like I'm not sure if this came from this person or a group people but it just says take massive imperfect action towards your goals. The time will never be just right and I so believe that because you just have to run after it Massive Action. Like that's the way that you're going to make the biggest change in your life for yourself is by taking that massive action and doing it scared doing it messy doing it just because you know, that's what want to do. It's the right thing to do for you and you should do it messy. So there's affirmations. There's different things. You can say to yourself with regard to this to just you make sure that you are. Taking that action that you don't start doubting yourself because when we start doubting ourselves, we are again, we're over analyzing things. We are taking a look our self and thinking we're not good enough, right? Like we don't have what it takes in whatever aspect. It could a completely personal, you know, you could be trying to you know, trying to start journaling or trying to start meditating or trying to you it could starting a business or something like that, but it be starting to write a book. It could be, you know, anything that you want to do losing weight and you just know that you're going to have mistakes and you're to have things that happen along the and just remember that you are not failing you are learning right? You're either gonna win or you're gonna learn that's like one my favorite things so you can tell yourself that There is no failure. I either learn 

or I went I either win or I however, you want to put it like I put the win first you're gonna win because I'm hoping for the win. But if not, I'm Gonna Learn I'm gonna learn something and then guess what? I'm gonna take messy action again, and it's not gonna be as messy the next time I take the action because I'm going to have learned something and there's always going to be something to be learned right the more you take the action. The more there's going to be things that you want to do and you grow so you should just take the action today. Even when you don't feel ready, even when you don't feel ready because honestly the timing is never exactly right. The timing is never exactly perfect. So you're not going to feel ready whenever you take the action because there's always going to be something standing in your way. So I just want to implore you today to do it messy. That's my message. It's kind short and sweet this week, but really believe that it something that was a lesson that I learned firsthand and you guys I don't know what the results of my actions will be. I have no idea what kind impact this made. me taking this action of doing this, but I know that it gave the confidence I learned so much by doing it. There are many things. I want to improve upon but I hope that it made some kind impact and even it only impacted one person and even if that person was me because it didn't impact me like I learned a lot. I learned a from my it the people I interviewed but I also learned a from my mistakes and things I made along the way and even if that one person was me it was worth it. Right, but I'm hoping that it impacted other people. That was my you goal and I'm sure that it did so I implore you take the messy action. I would to hear your feedback sign up. If listening for to this this weekend you guys 

it's all for moms these women and one men one man. They poured into us they were so generous and they're offerings and you'll hear everything from you know goal setting and goal planning and time management to you know, just dealing with your inner anxiety dealing with finances. We we Whole segment on finances and cash flow and you know how to create a non-budget. It was really fun. That was a great like episode the finance one and you guys not episode. It was an interview but there were so many good nuggets and all of the interviews and there were tools that went along with those you guys and so I implore to go and click the link to register for that. So you get all 10 And you can have them through it through this weekend. Like I said and get the freebies all of the stuff is there for you even if you miss the event which is over yesterday, so I am excited for you to take some messy action. I want to hear about it when you do and I would love to hear some feedback and share it with some mamas too. That might be you know, white benefit from from this or The Mastermind so till next week y'all. 

​Welcome back Mamas. I am coming at you hot this week because I am in the throes of putting together this mastermind. It's a free event we're doing. The Mamas Redefined Mental health success mastermind. It's this weekend, It's Friday through next Tuesday. It's a free, like virtual mastermind and it has been so much work. It's been so much work, way more work than I thought that it was going to be. And you guys, it has just reminded me of something that I wanted to share with you today. And it is all about grace. So having grace with ourselves and the reason, one of the reasons that I wanted to share it with you guys is because as you go through this process, as you start to work on yourself, as you're starting to take the steps to find out what you can do to help yourself personally, what you can do to move yourself to the next level, right. We're always growing. That's what we always want to do. I know for myself, no matter like what level I where I am, I'm always going to want to grow into a better person. And so, you know, some of us are starting on this journey of you know, discovering what success means to us now that we have kids. And some of us are a little bit further along in the journey and we know that we're meant for more and we're trying to uncover and really step into what that more is. And if you're at the beginning of trying 

to figure out how to improve your life in any way shape or form, you're gonna come up against opposition. And when I I don't just mean opposition from, you know, we talked a little bit about how sometimes you'll find opposition from friends or family. Like if you're having to, you know, re prioritize your life and different things are becoming a priority and you're having to, you know, cut back on this to add this in. If you're trying to prioritize yourself and you're having to, you know, add in some things that are self-care or whether or not you're trying to actually maybe like start a business or you know, do a project that you've been wanting to do for a really long time. Write a book like whatever it is that is unique to you that you are trying to do. You're going to come up with this opposition. And it might be internal and I say that because and it might be external too, but it it up becoming internal And when you start to try to step into your purpose and if you are trying to find your God-given purpose, which I believe is is very like again register for the mastermind. Because Tamra, Andres, Andres is dropping the heat when it comes to this. But you are going to come up against some things that are going to come out of of nowhere and you know, may wreak havoc on your life, right? Like, I believe that when you are trying to make yourself better, yes, there's going to be opposition from the outside world, but there's always going to be this open door that it, it can creep into your mind if you let it. And things are going to come up against you to stop you from becoming this better person, to stop you from stepping 

into your purpose. And I just want to tell you that you need to have your blinders on. You need to accept that you are human, right? Like for me, it's thinking I can do all of these things all at once and then realizing, OK, you know what? There's only so many hours in a day I have to do all of these different things. I'm going to have to give myself grace. Like this mastermind was actually supposed to like when I set out to do it, it was going to launch on the 7th or the 11th. 1111, That's a that's the Angel numbers. Like it's the very 1111. it has a special meaning to me and to a lot of others actually. But 11/11 date, right? That's the when I wanted to launch this. And as things came down, I was getting so overwhelmed that I was like, you know what, Danielle? You're just going to have to push this back a week. Like, it's just, you know, you can ask for forgiveness for the speakers that already knew. Like, nobody had actually dropped their promos. I hadn't gone live with anything. Like, we could easily move it back a week and it was all going to be okay. But I had to give myself like, first of all, I had to recognize it, right. And so that's the first step is recognizing when you are like either under attack or you're being, you're running up against that opposition. Just recognize that okay, you have to take maybe a little bit of a step back and evaluate the situation and think, OK is do I need to pivot? Can I still move forward and be sane and happy? And I have, you know, all of the things that you want to have, like the things that are important to you, the things that you hopefully have prioritized. And if you, you know, missed that episode, I would go back and listen like we're talking about finding your why and what's important to you and what you want and really 

those core values, those beliefs. And again, I'm going to plug the mastermind one more time because you guys, there's so many. I think Halle Avolio and Tamra both allude to this. And actually maybe three or four people were talking about that guiding, those guiding principles, those the true North, those things that are important to you, your core values, your core beliefs, those things that are going to give you kind of that litmus test as to what you should be saying yes and no to what you should be doing in your life. But you have to be able to take a step back and give yourself grace that you cannot get it all done. And also, when you're under this pressure, when you're making yourself better, you are possibly going to be doubting yourself a little bit more. And so you may find that you are, I don't wanna say, neglecting, but like for instance like this past week, both of my children got sick and they both got a cold, different days. One had like a toothache and another one had like a cold. They both had the cold, but you know, I don't know what was going on. But regardless, they had a lot like they weren't feeling I was in the midst of trying to get this whole mastermind. I was having all these tech issues and everything going on and they we have a lot of other things, you know, life that is happening as well and things that are due at school. You know, different things that were going on, programs that they were involved in, they both were involved in the veteran's day program at their school and they were super excited about that. And you know, we had the time change. And I know people say this time change doesn't affect things, 

but it kind of does it affects my family. I know it affects my family and so I have to remember that and also like when it when it was Thursday night, this all like came to a head where both of them are still kind of like fighting a cold. Gabriella was supposed to get something done like I can't. What was it? It was super important to her. I I don't know. But she can't even remember what it was now. Like, this is how crazy my life has been. I can't even remember. But she got all upset before bed and she's not a crier, but she was crying. And then my other one was super stuffed up and she hates being stuffed up and she didn't feel bad necessarily, but she hates all the drainage and she doesn't like to blow her nose. Like does anyone else have a child that doesn't like to blow their nose? They're like, they don't want to do it and they pretty much won't do it. And you're like fighting with them to blow their nose. They don't like the way it feels. She'll sneeze and it will like, you know, her body is saying get out or whatever and it will come out and she will say that it feels good when she's. And like, that's what you do when you blow your nose. OK, I'm on a tangent again. It was like this huge thing and it's now like bedtime is 9. My kids are a little bit later to school. Their school starts a little bit later in the morning, so bedtime is 9. They need to be in bed hopefully like sleeping by 9. And this is like 930. And both of them are hysterically crying and they're supposed to go perform. Michaela was performing like sign language during the Pledge of Allegiance for the veteran's day, like thing at their school. And Gabriella was singing because she's in the choir for the performance for these veterans that come up to school. And so both of them were very excited about this. And I said my kids, I don't know, my kids love school. Like, I don't know whose kids these are. They're not mine because I did not love school. I did not. But the my kids love school. And they and I said you guys aren't even going to be able to, 

I'm not even going to be able to let you go to school because it's going on 10:00 at this point. And I said, I'm not even going to be able to let you guys go to school at this point tomorrow. Like, this is crazy. And they had both not really completely calmed down, but both of them absolutely lost their minds. When I said that, they both started screaming, crying again. Scott was like, oh, maybe that wasn't the same thing to say to them because I was in with Gabriella. He heard me say it and he said it to Michaela. And then they both were like wailing and crying. And you guys, I was just like, Oh my gosh. Like I need to take a step back. Like these are two little kids here. They're sick. They've got a lot going on. Mommy is like working, you know, more than I, more than I have usually am. This past week with I was trying to get all the tech issues and different things that were happening figured out. And I am like, OK, I need to give them some grace. I need to give myself some grace. Like, OK you guys, you are going to school, but you just have to calm down. Like, we have to get you to calm down and needed to understand that this is all gonna be OK and let's do, like, so they did calm down. And, you know, it was like it was just one of those moments where as I looked back at it after the fact, I was like, OK, I could have done that differently. I could have done that better. And Grace, that you have to give yourself in that moment because you have so much going on and you are going to make mistakes, right. But what did I do? I apologized. I, like, apologized again the next day. I was like, look, I hope you feel better this morning. You know, always feel better. But like this is, you know, just different things that you can do. Looking back to kind of. And I just realized that I have not even done my quote yet. So I'm gonna start. I'm gonna not start, 

but I'm gonna now insert my quote because you guys, this is a great quote from Max Lucado and it is. Grace is the voice that caused us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off. Okay. And so I want you to realize like or recognize what that is saying. Grace is the voice that calls us to change, right? So we have to recognize, again, recognize that there's something that we need Grace for, but then it also gives us the power to pull it off. Because when we recognize that we did something wrong, it it then requires us to say, OK, we're going to forgive ourselves and move forward and do better next time. And so it gives us the power to pull it off, recognize that we are we need grace ourselves. And then we also need to give others grace as well. Right? So in that moment, I realized, OK, my children need some grace, but I also need some grace, right? And I need this grace. And they need this grace. And in order for me to be able to give them the grace, I need to give it to myself as well. So I think it's so important. Hopefully that made sense to you because I thought that was so, so powerful. When I read it, I was like, Oh my gosh, that is so true. And it is so important when we're trying to make ourselves into a better person to be able to realize that we all need grace. We're no one is perfect, no one is going to do it all perfectly, and we shouldn't have to try, right? God gives us all the grace in the world, right? Like we don't have to do anything to prove to him. But a lot of times we're we're trying to prove things to ourselves, right? 

And so we need to stop working so hard to try to prove things to ourselves and just go with the flow and move forward and take the steps towards making the, the advancements, the steps forward, levelling up, going to towards that true north, taking the steps on our path, but also realizing that we are going to make mistakes along the way. We are going to fail along the way. We are going to fall along the way. And we just need to be able to pick ourselves back up and to give ourselves that grace and to move forward and to learn from our mistakes and everything and keep moving forward. And I also wanted to quote one more quote because of course it's from Brené Brown. Love Brene, Brené Brown. But it's her quote is just so powerful as well. And it says grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame you guys. It is so that is so powerful. If you think about it, she is a researcher. She researches shame and vulnerability and she is saying it. Grace means all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame. We can tell ourselves that our mistakes are, you know, we we did these things and we can live with that guilt and that shame of the things. Or we can realize that those mistakes actually helped us learn something. They helped us in one way or another. And maybe, you know, me yelling at my kids and saying like, you know, that they weren't gonna get to go to school or losing my temper with them in the midst of all of that is not like something that, you know, but I did learn from it, right? Like we every time we make a 

mistake, we will learn from it and we should learn from it. And that is what Grace allows us to do is to say okay, like I did make this mistake but I am going to and you know what? I what I decided was we are going to start a little bit earlier and go and you know, do the bedtime routine or have the kids. Like we haven't really made them do this, but we have actually started to do this a little bit. It's just been so crazy in my life. But we did decide and we are going to do this and they've done it a little bit. We we've kind of implemented it one day here and one day there, but we're going to make them now go up and get ready for bed before bedtime. Go brush your teeth, get your pajamas on everything, then you can come back down because they like to watch. We don't let them watch a lot of TV, so we usually that's when they finally get to watch their TV. Time is at night. And even if they don't watch it at the end of the night, they, you know, we might have something else that they have to do or they're excited about doing. It's like their free time, you know, like, I mean, they get a lot of free time, but I'm just saying like right before bed is kind of like they're let off some more steam or cool down or whatever time. And we're deciding that we should implement the bedtime, the actual, like getting the teeth brushed. And because they'll drag that out, right, They'll drag that out forever. And so that we're not in this state of, you know, like we've got to get in bed and and we also don't feel like we have to be able to drill Sergeant, like, brush your teeth. I said brush your teeth. I said brush your teeth. Are you brushing your teeth yet? Like, did you get your pajamas on? Are they still sitting on your bed? Like, what are you doing now? Are you? You know, we don't have to be doing all of those things. We can just let them. Get their pajamas on, Let them brush their teeth, Let them do it in their fashion because 

they know that if they finish it, then they get to come back down and do something that they want to do right? And then when it's actually time for bed, all they have to do is go up and get in bed. So anyway, I I shared that just so that you can see #1. I'm sure you guys can relate and we all can use grace with our kids when we lose our tempers. But this grace also translates or transfers it. It goes for everything. You have to give yourself grace and you have to realize that things are going to come up. And as you're trying to make yourself better, there are going to be a lot of opposing forces that come maybe out of the woodworks. Like I just remember when I first started, I thought I was going to, you know, this was an idea. The Mom is Redefined success podcast was an idea that has lived in my heart for a while before I started to do it. And as I stepped into, you know, telling people about it and kind of putting the wheels into motion, all of these things started happening in my life that, like, took me off course. It took me off focus. And it took me too long. It took me too long to to check back in to those core values and to what I knew I was supposed to do. And finally when I did that, that's when I was like OK, I need to take these steps. I need to I joined. You know, I I took, I started taking a course online once and then I guess what it was an online course, you could do it on your own time. It was a great course. I absolutely loved it. But you again, you could do it on your own time. So I like so I had to put something in place where I 

like held myself accountable by getting into a group that was also holding each other accountable. And it made me like you don't have to necessarily join a cohort like I did, which is what I did to, you know, start this podcast is I joined a cohort with. There was 35 of us that were all going to launch our podcast at the same time, like on the same month. And we went through this program with someone who's a really successful podcaster. You may know her, empower her. It's her podcast. Keisha. Get married. She's amazing. Love her. And she is the one who, you know, lit the fire under me and put things into motion and was like, OK, this is what we're going to do. This is what we're going to do. And again, it was on your own time, but there was a weekly check in or whatever. And so I am one of the people who actually launched my podcast. Not everybody did, but we we held each other accountable and it wasn't until I took that step. So you have to step back. You have to take a look at what it is that is going to, I guess, 

what is going to motivate you? What is going to be the thing for you that makes you take those steps forward? Learn from your mistakes, give yourself the grace, take the steps forward, knowing that you're going to come up against opposition. And when that happens, how are you going to deal with it? You're going to give yourself grace. You're going to take a step back. You're going to learn from it. And then you're going to keep going and you're going to keep moving forward. And if you need somebody to hold you accountable, I will be that person. Actually we're and I'll be, I'll be like talking touting this a little bit at the mastermind, but we will be having a course, a Mama's Redefined success course that is coming out. It's kind of going to be like a cohort. I'm not sure what I'm going to call it exactly for Mamas to do exactly what it is to find your true north. It's going to be, it's going to be where we work together and I'm super excited about it. It isn't all finalized, all the details aren't finalized yet, but I'm thinking it's going to launch. I know it's going to launch in January, but I'm so excited for it. So get ready for that. That could be your next step forward. But anyway, I digress. I really wanted to hopefully bring you just some I needed this message this week. You know, we all need it, and we all need to remember that we are human and we are going to make mistakes. And let's give ourselves that grace and let's learn from it. And let's not sit in shame. Do not feel, you know, you can feel a little bit. You know bad about it for a second, right? If you hurt your children's feelings or whatever happened, right? Like you feel your emotions for a minute, right? But let's 

give ourselves the grace and not sit in the shame and move forward. As Brené Brown said, let the mistakes serve a purpose instead of serving Shane. I love it so much. OK you guys, that's all for this week. I would love to hear from you and please reach out if you need anything. If you have any questions, you know what? This week I'm going to drop the mastermind link so that you can register for that Mastermind. I know it's going to be so impactful. Valuable tools to improve mental health, increase joy and be more present with your kids Couldn't be coming at a better time than going into the holidays, so till next week, y'all. 

Hey hey Mamas, welcome back. I am excited to be with you today. But I have to say that today's topic is something that I actually struggle a little bit with. And so I really am going to like, need this as much as you do today. And I'm going to be talking about setting boundaries. And you guys, it is something that is so necessary, especially on this journey as we are working, as we are finding out what we want, Like we're trying to figure out where our true north is and what we want out of this life. And in order to get that, it is likely that we are going to have to set some boundaries with other people, with ourselves setting boundaries. We should look at this as a good thing. There are healthy boundaries. It doesn't have to be something where we think, oh, boundaries are a bad thing. You know, if you're anything like me, like, I am not a rule follower. Like, when I hear rules, I actually like rules, but only if they're like rules that I make up. I'm not really a rule follower. So whether or not that surprises you, I don't know. But like, I think of boundaries as, like, I don't like to be confined, right. And so when you think of setting boundaries, it's like it almost sounds like you're confining yourself to something. And I always start with a quote. So I'm going to start with a quote from Brené Brown. Again, Love Brené Brown, you guys. And she has some great ones. And this one, it says daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves
 
even when we risk disappointing others. So what she's saying is that you will set boundaries when you love yourself, and you will do that at the risk of disappointing other people, right? So often boundaries and setting those, you know, people who are people pleasers. And I think we all have people pleaser tendencies, right? Like, I know I'm a people pleaser sometimes, but not all the time, right? And but people pleasers are definite people that need to set boundaries because people pleasers tend to be. How do I say this? I I don't know. People pleasers a lot of times are truly if they really think about it, they are being inauthentic. And that may be hard to hear for some people out there who are people pleasers. I know there are a lot of us, and like I say us because like I in the past have been a people pleaser. I like if anyone who knows me really well probably would say that's not true. But in certain circumstances, I am a people pleaser. Like I want other people to like me, right? Like we all want that, right? We all want other people to like us. But in doing that right, Like if you make someone else unhappy, what does that mean about you? And if it means about you that you are like, if you lose validation with yourself, like if you don't feel worthy when you make someone else unhappy, that's when you know that you are being inauthentic. Because if you are doing things just to please others, that's not even what you really want, but you're just doing it to make that other person happy. You are being inauthentic, right? There's a difference between like
 
not wanting to hurt someone's feelings and so you might say something that is you know it doesn't feel inauthentic to you though, right? what I mean is that you don't want to do something or say something that feels wrong to you just to make someone else happy. OK, you should be more important than making someone else happy. You should be more important to yourself and the in, you know, a lot of times we find ourselves apologizing, like don't apologize. As women, we apologize for things that we really feel, but we say we're sorry that we feel that way. Like we're not really sorry, are we? Like we're We say that we're sorry that we made the other person. Like, maybe I'm sorry like I made the other person uncomfortable. Or you're sorry if you hurt someone's feelings, but you shouldn't have to make someone else comfortable and make yourself uncomfortable in the process. let's take it to a very surfacy level here. So like if someone else is trying on some clothing and you can tell, like, it makes them feel amazing like you, but you, for whatever reason you think, like, it doesn't really make them look amazing, right. And this is a close friend, right? You might say something in order to make them happy that you don't really honestly feel. Now if you know it's going to hurt that other persons feelings, then maybe you know, gently be like Oh yes, I mean like I can tell that makes you so happy but like don't lie and say Oh my gosh, you look amazing or whatever. Like if it is inauthentic to you then don't say it. And that is like a surface
 
E level like that's not like a boundary. But that was just like an example that I thought of really quick to help me, like, prove this point of what I mean. If it's you shouldn't have to lie or say something that would, you know, feel inauthentic just to make someone else happy. Hopefully that makes sense and you shouldn't have to apologize for your own values and beliefs and what you want I'm going to use some examples because like I said, I need help with this just as much as everyone else needs help with this. Because I feel like I'm very good at doing this in certain areas of my life and very bad at doing it in other areas of my life. And so I'm just going to read some types of boundaries that that we should set right. And there are physical boundaries. Emotional boundaries, verbal boundaries. Time boundaries. Work boundaries. Spiritual boundaries, financial boundaries, sexual boundaries. These are the 8 boundaries types that I found and I forget where I found this particular thing. But physical boundaries, right? Like you would always, Use your physical boundaries like if somebody else was making you uncomfortable. I feel like that's something we teach our kids. Those are boundaries that I think most people are like, OK with setting. Those like physical boundaries with other people. Now sometimes you have like the close talk or whatever. And if you are the close talker possibly or, you know, sometimes like me, it doesn't necessarily bother me if the person is a close talker like. But a lot of people like the close talker, like really bothers them. And if you are, you know, one of those people, you could. If you have someone in your life that is a very close talker and they are driving you crazy with that, but you just put up with it, like that's a boundary that you could set with them, right? Like, you could actually say to them, you know, I
 
know that you, like, I love you and everything, but for whatever reason, whenever you get that close to me, it just makes me uncomfortable. Like, I don't know, you could even, you know, make a joke about it. Like maybe something's wrong with me. I don't know. But, like, could you, like, would you mind not being that close to me when you talk to me? And that would be an OK brown drink. And that person would know and hopefully it wouldn't hurt their feelings. Right. And you could do it in a way that was respectful and nice and then it would set that boundary with that person that they would know like that makes her uncomfortable. Like when I'm doing that I or when I'm talking to her, I will from now on I will try to respect that. So that might be a really easy boundary to set, and it would be so impactful for you to set that boundary. And it shouldn't ruffle feathers, right? Like, that's just an example of a very simple example of how you could set a boundary and it would be healthy and it is something that the other person should respect, right? There's so many boundaries that you could set like you know what is important to you. And you may have already set, like I'm really good at, like financial boundaries. Like I I've set those with myself like a long time ago. And I know what my boundaries are don't even have to think about them. I just operate in such a way that I know, my husband and I are going to tell each other. When we spend, you know, if something's like a big spend or something, we're going to tell one another. Like typically I shop when we need stuff, like the kids need new clothes and the kids need new shoes and the kids need whatever, it's usually for the kids, right? And if I shop for myself, it might be one thing here or there, But like something that's going to be thousands of dollars like then I would, I would talk to him first. And we've never really established like what that level is, but it's just kind of set
 
like it's already ingrained in us that we would have those conversations. but if it's not, those are things that you could set boundaries with your spouse. You could set boundaries, you know, with your kids, You know, I don't know what age your kids are. Like my kids are with me all the time when they make purchases. So they they have to ask me like they don't have a credit card or anything like that. But if you have children who are teenagers or who are, you know, have a credit card or you've given them some kind of authority to spend some money, those are definite conversations that I'm sure you probably already had. And if you haven't that you need to have, right? Because you have to set some boundaries, some rules, some ground rules, right? For spending. And you should to do that really with your partner too, you know, because it just makes the relationship more healthy. And then you know what the other person is thinking and communicating around. Everything is just so important. But we're going to relate this to you going after and doing what you want in your life. And as you uncover kind of what you want in your life and the direction that you want to go, and maybe that's going to look different, like you're trying to improve yourself, that could cause some ruffles with friends. It could cause some ruffles, you know, in your relationship, depending on you know what your partner thinks about that. It could. You know, if you're trying to start a new business or you know you're going to be taking some time away from family time, then you know, you could have to put some boundaries in place with your kids. You could have to talk to your partner and say, okay, hey, listen, this is what I'm trying to do. Here's why. And this is where I need help from you Or you know I need to to respect when I say now that I have to work like maybe you need to divvy out tasks
 
that typically you had done in the past. But now if you're going to start a business or go back to work or if you're going to whatever the case may be, there may be some conversations that need to be had and some boundaries, right, but that you establish. And so these are all things that you can just think about. OK, so I'm just going to give you some examples of some boundaries. I was looking actually for boundaries for parents. But when it came up, I was like, oh, these are really good examples. And they don't really apply to me, but they are very good examples. And these are boundaries like with your parents, so not as parents, but with your parents, right. It says I love having you over, I'll just need to know when you're coming in advance. So like for some people having their parents over would be like they need to know in advance, right? That would be a boundary that they could set with their parents. If I miss your call or text, I'll get back to you when I'm free. So some parents would be like, you know, why haven't you call me back? Why haven't you text me back? You know, whatever. And you know, if you're an adult and you have your own family and your own things going on, and especially now, you know, if you've decided I'm going to take some time for self-care or I'm going to take some time to start a business or to, you know, work now and whatever, like maybe you need to set those boundaries, like, because if you do miss a call or text, you know, you don't want your person like freaking out or, you know, whatever. Like, I promise I will text you back or call you like I'm not going to be as available as I once had been. That's a great one I understand your opinion on this and we can agree to disagree. So you know, with how the hot buttons of like politics and COVID and, you know all the things that you
 
know have been going around these past few years, this is actually one that I actually may have used before. That's like, I understand we have differing opinions, but let's just agree to disagree and you can totally go about and still, you know have your own opinion and still absolutely love that person and agree to disagree with them. And if they have a hard time with that, then that's their problem, right? Like you're you've let it go. Like you've got to be OK with telling people no and OK with them. You know, not being OK with the boundary that you set, like that is one huge toll and in and I'm going to get to that in just a second. So I'm going to pause on that and go to the last one. I'm going to stop by, but I just won't be able to stay for dinner. So there's another one where you're like, setting the expectation up front. And like, I do this now because I am, like, known for I could just talk, talk, talk, like, imagine, I could just talk, talk, talk. And when I get around another chatty person that I, you know, I might even really want. Like, it might be somebody like, I've actually set out to go to coffee or lunch or whatever with. But like, we'll get to talking. And three hours later, I realized, Oh my gosh, I've ruined my whole day. Like setting the expectation up front when you get there that you have to leave because, you know, you could be like sometimes I've been in like this conversation. I'm like, it's a really good conversation. I hate to like all of a sudden just up and be like I've got to go. But if you get to somewhere and you have things in your day that you've planned and prioritized, like these are important things. And maybe it's even an appointment with yourself. Like you've decided that you've you need to get this done today, right? Like it's an appointment with yourself, but it's still an appointment that has to get done in order for you to get what you need to do done right. And so if you are at a lunch or something with someone and you know you an hour and a half,
 
right? That's all you have because if you don't leave then then the rest of your day will be messed up even though you don't have necessarily another appointment to go to like quote UN quote appointment to go to. It's an appointment with yourself like you have time for that person and you want to spend the time with that person but you just when you get there you can set the expectation like hey Oh my gosh I'm so excited to have lunch today. I do have to run at whatever time. Like you get there at 12. You have to run at run 30 or if you have two hours like, great, you have two hours But you know, just tell them like this is what I'm working on now and like, this is what I'm doing. And you know, if you are honest and open, like hopefully they'll understand. And if they don't, again you can't feel guilty about it because this is what you need to do for yourself in order to get where you want to go. Like, these are we're talking about this as it relates to what you've decided for yourself, right? Like, this is so good for so many parts of our lives, but I've just really, like found it a little bit harder when it comes to like disappointing someone or like, you know, let's just say that one scenario with a friend. Like, I found it harder when I don't have something like physically booked on my calendar. But I know, like I have to get these things done or else I'm going to be a mess, right? Like, I know I've got a lot going on. And yes, I don't work outside the home, so no, I don't have to get back to work like for someone else, but I have to get back to work for myself, right? Like I have my own business, you know, I have a lot that I do, right? And I'm also a mom. And I also, you know, take care of the house. And I also do all of these things right. And so if I don't stick to that personal schedule of my own, I'm doing a disservice to myself. you know, just setting the boundary in a way is super healthy because it just sets the expectations. And then no
 
one's feelings get hurt if it's done in the right way. And again, if it winds up hurting someone's feelings, it's not intentional and it really shouldn't. So you know that is again usually on them and not on you. So the first step is to clearly identify your boundary. The second step is to understand why you need that boundary. So if you identify a boundary, then you might want to go a level deeper and discover, like why do I need that boundary? And you know and when you're explaining it to someone that you can even include this, right? So it's healthy for them to understand the why behind it, especially if it affects them. You want to be straightforward and not apologize again, don't give long explanations like you already identified it, you understood like you had had them. Understand why you needed the boundary. You don't have to go into long explanations about it. Again, use a a calm and polite tone. Start with tighter boundaries and then loosen them if appropriate. So you can start with like a boundary that's like you know, really tight. And then if you realize over time, like, OK, I can, I can loosen this boundary a little bit with this person, then you can loosen it right? And you can be flexible too. Like trying to think of an instance where you could be flexible but with your boundaries, but you're not. You know, this is not a rigid thing where if you set a boundary with somebody, you can't go back and change it later, maybe you know the time of your life, you need this boundary for a short amount of time. You can go back later and be flexible with that address boundary violations. So if you would set a boundary with someone and they violate it, actually bring it to their attention, right? Again, politely don't make it personal, but bring it to their attention and trust your intuition. So
 
trust your intuition. And really, honestly, if you have people that you can lean on and people who are like, you know. If you're if you have really good friends that are maybe working towards the same thing as you. Or you know you have like someone else that you say you're starting a business. Someone else you can lean on in that area or you know a mentor Or if you can lean on your spouse. If it's if it's with relationship to your friends or something. Just get a support system and someone who can validate you. If you're feeling, gosh, like I set this boundary, I'm feeling bad about it. Because if, you know, if this is something that's new to you, there is a possibility that you are going to feel like it's going to feel amazing. I promise you it's going to feel amazing. But at the same time, you could like start to cave if you don't have like some kind of a support system. I found this and talking about self-care. Because you know, if you if you are setting boundaries so that you can improve yourself, like a lot of times you're going to have to do that so that you can take time. Like as a mom to go to yoga or you're going to take time now to get a massage, or you're taking time for yourself to do certain things that you need to do in order to prioritize yourself and to put yourself, you know, first sometime. So that, like, I was talking about before, like, you can't pour from an empty cup and so you need to be fulfilled. And so that's what we're working on here, right? And so these benefits of this setting, the boundaries are going to be infinite. But some of the things that this site was telling me is it wards off burnout, which I'm sure you can imagine that would be true, and improves emotional health it it has improved relationships. So when you're when you're happier in the relationship, the other person is going to be happier. And if you're happier when you set these boundaries right, clear
 
expectation for others. So you know a lot of times other other people especially children, like children, always love boundaries like they don't think they do, but they actually thrive when they have rules and boundaries. And they love to test them, yes. But they do better when they have structure and when they have boundaries and clear boundaries are important. And they have this like, you know, they know then where they stand and their expectation. That's true for everyone. Decreased stress, which of course that's another one that I'm sure you would. You will, you will realize once you start to put these boundaries in place, improve self-care capabilities. So you know, of course that's going to happen too. Like when you put these in place, you're going to be able to take care of yourself, respect from others and self respect. So you guys, this is going to build your own respect for yourself, especially if you are a people pleaser to like TuneIn to what you really want and make yourself a priority. You are worthy no matter if someone else is upset with you. If you are making someone else unhappy and it is, you know, again, like not just going out and being mean or whatever, but if you're making someone else unhappy and and that is why you are doing something like this is going to be so freeing for you. This is going to be so healthy for you and this is going to make a huge difference if you just start implementing some boundaries. So you do you Boo like that, just like came to my mind like you do. You Boo like you do. You do what you do. Be yourself. Be authentic. Do not be someone else just to people please. And use these tools of setting these boundaries to make your life better, to honestly make your relationships better and just to hopefully improve,
 
improve everything, everything within your relationships. So hopefully this was helpful and I stayed on task. I only shared one quote. I actually had one more to share and I I guess I'm going to end with it. I'm going to end with it. It's from Anna Taylor. Not Ann Taylor, but Anna Taylor. She is a writer and it says love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious and you get to decide how you use them. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won't accept. So think about that too, from a from a mother's standpoint. Like from a mother's standpoint, you teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won't accept. So modeling behavior that you want. Because you don't want people walking all over your kids, right? You don't want your kids people pleasing, so teach them be the model. Like you teach people how to treat you, but you're also modeling how you want your kids to treat other people, right? And so they are going to respect that and they are going to learn how to stand up for themselves and they are going to learn to be kind to people you know. They are going to learn that they can do those two things at the same time. You can stand up for yourself and be kind at the same time. And so it is very, very good for your kids to see that. So again, y'all, I hope this was helpful. Like I said, this is a walk. I feel like I'm going to have to have someone who can talk to us about boundaries. I'm going to start bringing in like a like a monthly guest I think on the podcast just other moms who have redefined what success means to them and I would love to have somebody come in and talk to us about boundaries and about why and how and all of the things to better drive home this point. So let me know if you would love to hear that from someone else and I'll
 
see what I can find and also leave me some feedback. Y'all, I'm dying to know what you're thinking, thinking if this has been helpful for you below wherever you're listening to this podcast or ways you can leave me some feedback. I would love a rating or whatever on whatever platform you listen. But that's what I'm talking about. I'm. I'm talking about actually reaching out to me and telling me. Like I would love to hear your stories of how this is impacting you. So till next week, y'all.

Hey Mamas, welcome back. I am so excited for our topic today. I always say that, right? And I always am so excited because I talked about choosing Joy a couple weeks ago, and this topic really layers on top of that. It really intertwines into everything but choosing joy and practicing gratitude. go hand in hand. And I mentioned it in a couple of different ways a couple weeks ago when I was talking about choosing Joy. But when I started to think about it, it was like I glossed over it. And the reason that I believe that that is, is because now this is such a part of my life and I do it all the time. That I don't even realize that part of the reason that I am able to choose Joy and that I can live in that place where I can find joy more often than not in everything, is because of all the work that I've done in practicing gratitude before now, so that I am able to choose Joy. And so in a way, I wish this episode would have been before my choosing Joy episode. But I just had a this revelation and and I wanted to share that with you because this is really kind of the foundation I think for a lot of things in life that that could be really helpful and impactful if you do this one thing and that is practicing gratitude in your life. And so we're going to talk a little bit about what I mean by that some different ways you can do that. Of course, I've got some quotes for you today, and I'm really excited to kind of take you on a little journey of how this all played out in my life too. So where do I even start? So I, like, have all these different directions. I want to go with this today, but I think where I'm gonna start is with a quote from Lao Tsu. I think it's Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu. I think that's it.
Be content with what you have. Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking. The whole world belongs to you. Be content with what you have. Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking. The whole world belongs to you. So that can seem like a lot, right? Because be content with what you have. So a lot of times we spend a lot of our time, especially if you scroll social media and things like that, we start to want what other people have. And I've talked about it almost like probably every week I talk about marketing and the world and the ways of the world. And you know, I feel like, I talk about like this world is awful, right. It's always feeding us all these things that we have to combat, but it's not true. Like the whole world isn't awful, but just the way that things are studied now. And just the psychology and the way that our brains work and they want to use that against us, not against us. But you know, the whole world is driven by money, right? And so companies that have products to sell want people to want those products, right. And so they are always going to be marketing whatever their product is and making you think that you need it right once versus needs. So that's a huge topic in and of its own right. Once versus needs. But a lot of times when you are thinking about things that you want and things that you see other people having, you're focusing on what you don't have instead of focusing on what you do have, right?
And so we're going to talk a lot about how you can focus on what it is that you do have so that you can have more joy in your life. Because when you spend all your time wanting what other people think what other people have, or thinking about what other people have that you don't, it steals your joy. It robs you of that joy. But when you practice gratitude and you're grateful for what you already do have and grateful for where you are, that changes your focus and it changes your life. So another way that I had thought about this in the past is abundance mentality, right? And so you hear Do you have a scarcity mentality or do you have an abundance mentality? And I've always been obsessed with having an abundance mentality. people might call it positive thinking or having a positive mindset. And it's more than that. It's not just having a positive mindset. It's not like seeing the best in the world like all the time, like a positive mental attitude, like you're always happy or A lot of times like you'll hear, oh that person has a positive mindset or that person you know has a glass half full attitude or whatever and that is that is great right? But having a positive outlook or a positive mindset, it is much more than just turning everything into a positive, right? having an abundance mentality. You tend to look for things in the world that are good. So you're not focused on what you don't have because you're focused on what you do have or you're not focused on, What can't be done or what you can't do? You're focused on what you can do or what you can have or what you already do have, right? It is like this different way of thinking that 

if you want something, you could have it. You just have to decide, make a decision. And I'm not saying you go out and you buy something. Like I'm saying, if you want a certain way of life, then you figure out what you have to do to make that happen. You just have to figure out what you can do to get there right and focus on that. Instead of wanting like everything, pick some things that you want right and and work towards them. Instead of seeing obstacles, you see opportunities and instead of seeing like things in detriment, you see the positives. Like I used to be in sales and The type of sales that I was in, it was very cutthroat. was like this grab, you know, like a land grab type of thing where people were always worried about like if someone else going to steal my this or steal my that. And the way I always looked at everything was the more I sell, the more there is to sell, the more that other people sell, the more there is to sell. Like I didn't look at it as that person's going after my this or my that or, you know, I I was always looking for the next business. a business to me meant, oh, that's a possibility that they could be someone who was a candidate for me to sell them my product, right? And it was advertising, right? So anybody could necessarily, like, could advertise, right? And when I saw someone who got another business on the air, I didn't see that as necessarily like a detriment that I couldn't sell them. I saw it as an opportunity that I could sell someone else that was in that same space, right. And I would see, OK, is there other businesses in that same space that I could sell? Like if that was good for them, then obviously it would be good for someone else. And if you see your competitor, again, psychology, right, If you see your competitor advertising, you're going to want to advertise. 

At least I would think that's a possibility, right. So that's the way that my brain worked and that's the way that I like to focus on thing because when you focus on what you can't have or what you didn't do or what you could have done better, like I always like to focus on what I could, could have done better just for improvement. But if you focus on what you didn't do versus focusing on what you did do or what you can do in the future, then it is. It's just a way that will knock you down a peg. Instead of being grateful or having an abundance mindset, you all of a sudden live in this world of scarcity where you're in lack and you're trying to hoard all the things and it just it just, it doesn't make the more you give, the more there is to give. That's the way an abundant mindset person works. You know, if if somebody is always worried about, you know they need money, then that's like a concern of theirs. Instead of saying if I need money I can get more money, like that's the way I think if I need money, I can get more money. I can figure out a way to get more money to make more money, right? Like, if I need it, I will find a way. Instead of thinking about what I might miss out on or what I might lose It's a different way of thinking, and it plays right into gratitude and the way that you can be thankful for the things that are already in your life instead of wishing for things that you don't have yet. So if you think about like all the things that we have, we have like first world problems, not third world problems, right. So you can always think of all of the things that we have that other people don't have. And you know, you might look at someone like me and think, OK, well she can can live that way or can think that way because she isn't lacking for anything. And you're right, I'm not. I'm not lacking other than maybe like, you know, a dumpster that I can like, get rid of all of of of lots of things. So my house is a complete and total train wreck, right? Like I'm lacking organization that I wish I had in my life. But as far as lacking I'm not wishing that I knew where I was going to get my next meal, right? I'm not wondering if I'm going to have a place to sleep tonight, right? I'm not wondering if when I turn the faucet, if water is going to come out, that is good enough for me to drink. These are things that we don't have to worry about that if we did that, we may, you know we would need. This is exactly when you would need this abundance mindset and this attitude of gratitude and this practicing the gratitude because you can always find something to be grateful for. And the way to do that is to focus on what you can do and focus on what you can be grateful for now and what you can be thankful for now, so that you can get yourself out of that situation and you can choose Joy. I'm hoping this is making sense. So I'm going to circle back because my next point is it stemmed from. I don't know if you guys have read Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. Love Brené Brown and the book Daring Greatly is an amazing read. I highly, highly recommend it. She talks all about shame and vulnerability, and she is a researcher. And in her 12 years of research, right? What she found from people is that the relationship between joy and gratitude was one of the important things that she found. She wasn't expecting it, she says. And she says that she did not interview 

one person who had described themselves as joyful, who also did not actively practice gratitude. Not one person out of all her eleven, she says. 11,000 of data, data, 12 years of research she spent. She didn't find one person who described themselves as joyful that wasn't practicing gratitude. And she said for her, it was very counterintuitive to the research and her thinking when she was doing this. Because the relationship between joy and gratitude was, if you're joyful, you should be grateful, right? Like that's what she was thinking it would be. If you're joyful, then of course you're going to be grateful. But she said it wasn't that way at all, actually. Instead, practicing gratitude invites joy into our lives. And she said practicing is the part that really changed her life. It changed her family and everything. And she quoted this quote from a Jesuit priest and she didn't use the name. And so I'm not sure who said this, but as a Jesuit priest who said, it's not joy that makes us grateful, it's gratitude that makes us joyful, you guys. It's gratitude that makes us joyful. So there's so many different ways that I talked about about choosing joy and how you can do things to choose in your life to create joy in your life. But practicing gratitude is one of them that you guys, it's so, so important that you just really need to find ways that you can do it day-to-day and have that abundance thinking. I have an alarm that goes off on my phone every single day at 2:27. If you don't know, I love twos and sevens, and it says what are you grateful for? So no matter what's going on in my day at 2:27, that alarm goes off and I have to hit either silence or repeat or whatever. In some days, y'all. 

When that goes off, I am like, oh, I'm grateful. I'm so I'm like, you know, I'm feeling it right? But some days when it goes off, I literally like a laugh out loud because it's like, what are you grateful for? And I'm like, oh not this right, like the situation I'm, I'm in right then it's like not something I'm grateful for. So then I have to, like, think in my mind. So what am I grateful for? And I can either look for a positive in that situation or maybe something that can come out of the situation or something else altogether. But you guys, it is powerful how it changes your mindset and your frame of mind and everything. Like even if you're in a tizzy or stressed or whatever and that comes up, what are you grateful for? It can, like snap you back to. Like, what am I grateful for? Like I might be having a first world problem right now, right? But like what? So what am I grateful for? I'm grateful that I am able to have this first world problem right. I'm grateful there. You can think of so many things to be grateful for and one of the things like that you hear or you may have heard is like to practice gratitude. Like, you can write down five things you're grateful for every single day. Like, write it down in the morning when you get up. I mean, that's really impactful. Like if you do things in the morning, at least for me, and you can write it down when you go to bed, you can do both like 5 things you're grateful for in the morning and at night you can find that you're you know, depending on your frame of mind. They're going to be very different depending on whether you're you know when you just wake up. Like, you might have lots of things you could think of versus when you go to bed at the end of a stressful day, it sometimes could help you wind down and go to sleep when you think about the things that you're grateful for. Right. And so I think that's a great way to practice. I have AI have a gratitude tree that I have. Like I've had so many tools over the years. I tend to like, I love like journals and paper and things like that. But anytime I see like a like a gratitude one, I have a problem not buying it. So I have an everyday gratitude book that you can just flip through and you know it gives you like a quote, like that Laozhu quote was in that book, it had that quote and then it has a question at the bottom.

So the question on that page is what is standing in the way of my ability to be content with what I have? And I loved that too, right? Like what is standing in the way of my ability to be content with what I have? There could be like, who knows right what is standing in the way, but it could be that you are standing in the way right? Like and so we again it's back to choosing joy. We can we can choose gratitude. We are grateful for things. And that abundance mentality, it's something that, you know, like I said, I've had it for a long time. I've always been accused of being like that positive, you know, glass half full person. But it's not like I'm just joyful all the time and I'm never in a bad mood or whatever. I'm just always looking for the positives and and in life like you're going to find whatever it is that you're looking for. Especially nowadays you can prove whatever it is that you want to prove to yourself like go on the Internet if you want to prove your argument one way or another. I'm sure there's people out here out there that back you up, but I am telling you that in order to prove like to yourself that that you should be grateful and you could have joy in your life, you can find things to be grateful for and have that abundance mindset all the time. and like I said before another way and I'm going to reiterate it again is to give what you are feeling that you're lacking. So I used to be in, I probably have mentioned it before, but I was in financial education and So I would walk people through this this like course that we had but the foundation of the course talked about again the way the world or way that most people live and the way that we at our company was called Orange.
We, we called it our abundance. A life of abundance is what we wanted for everyone, right. and the the foundation of what we would always teach, it was taking what the ways of the world again were which you know typically again we were in finance. We were teaching people lots of different things. But one of the things is how, how do you spend your money? And the most people spend their money by they live, right? Like they go and they spend on what they eat and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. then they pay their bills, then they save, right? And then if there's some money left, they might protect themselves. Or maybe they protect themselves and then save, like maybe they have a little bit of that going on. And then if there's anything left after they've saved, then they might get right. And so our philosophy at Orange was taking that model and flipping it on your head, flipping it on its head. And what we would advise is that you should give first and if you didn't feel like you could give money, then you should definitely give of your time. And it was so much in alignment with how I think, right? So you should give first. And like I said, if you can't give money, give time, right? But that should be first. You should give first, then protect yourself. What are the things that if something catastrophic happened that you couldn't go without, Like you if something happened to your car, like you know you would be without your car, Like you need to have it insured. You know your house, You need to have insurance on your house. You need to have insurance on your life, like whatever it is. Protect your health, protect your life, all those things. Then go and save.
Save your money. Then you pay your bills, OK? And so people were always like what you save before you pay your bills. Yes, so you pay off debt. And I shouldn't say pay your bills. Like, I shouldn't say you shouldn't pay your mortgage. But like, this is like paying off your debt. Like if you had any credit card debt or whatever it was, you did that after you saved. Because the idea behind all of this is then at the end you live off the rest, right? So we would come up with a good strategy that you would, you know, you would be saving your money so that you could whatever it was. So like some people want to retire, some people don't, some people want this, some people want that, right. So we went, everybody's planned, looked very different. We were trying to get to a savings rate of 20%, right, So that you're saving at least 20% of your income and then you're living off the rest and You're protected, right? You're you're already saving, you're already giving. So you're living off the rest and you're not caring about what the rest is, right? Because we've already got a savings plan in place. And I'm not giving this advice to everyone because some people, depending on your stage in life, you might need to save more than 20% if you start saving later in life and yadda yadda yadda. But this was the premise that you would give 1st and then you would have all this leftover that you could live off of and people were just mind blown that when they actually went about things this way and we're planning and we're preparing that they actually had more like play money or cash and they were less stressed and everything. Now you know hopefully like everyone will go because orange still exists and I'm sure they are they would love to. You know I have no idea how Brad is doing right now like with with being able to take new clients on and things like that.
But like you guys I loved it so much because it played right into the my way of thinking and this abundance mentality and this way of thinking where if you want to have more money in your life then you actually give it away. If you want to have more of joy in your life, you go and give it away. And if you if you want to have more joy in your life, one of the things is you should be practicing gratitude. You know, like I said, I think you could write a thank you note to a friend or family member or someone you care about. These are all great ways that you can practice gratitude in your life journal. Get yourself a gratitude journal. A gratitude tree. I think Brené Brown did they at they added something at their dinner table like I think they prayed before they ate and when they were eating they all had to go around the table and say something that they were thankful for every night at dinner. So you can find different ways to in in a great gratitude into your life. And I promise you it's going to bring you more joy. It's going to bring you more Peace of Mind. Having that abundance mindset will come easier to you when you're thinking in that way. So I hope this was helpful. I hope that you are going to be practicing gratitude. I would love to hear about it. in the notes section underneath this podcast somewhere. I I don't know where it is but I put all of the ways that you can get in touch with me and I would love to hear if this is impacting you. If you are trying these things and they are working in any way shape or form I would love to hear your feedback.
​So please reach out to me and until next week, y'all. :)