Releasing Control ~ Episode #14 ~ 12/7/23

​welcome back mamas. I am so excited. I am like on fire this week. So I just got back from this event. It called The Zone event and I am literally on fire to share with you just like I leveled up I leveled up this event. It is going to be another level of Danielle and I want to hammer home a topic today. It's gonna be like a one two punch. It might be like an actual gut punch for because If you're anything like me and you're a type, A like control freak this really hit me at the Zone event, and I want to share one takeaway and it about like losing control not losing control, but giving up control. Okay, so not really giving up your power definitely not giving your power but losing the feeling where you feel like you have to control everyone else and everything that's going on. Right like you have to be in control of it. All right, and this is what want to start off with a quote. It's a quote that found from Mark David who I have no idea who that but it said letting go of the need to control things doesn't mean letting go of responsibility. It means embracing life. y'all Going into holidays. We now in December. Hello December if you're anything like me also you love holidays, but Christmas is like my favorite thing Christmas is my favorite time of year, but there's a lot going on around this time. Yeah. It is super hectic. There are more things than ever that
 
are on your schedule. And then you have all these gifts to buy and you you have gifts for your family. You may do gifts for your friends. You may do gifts for your in-laws. You may do gifts for You like extended family cousins and then like you might like I pick off things off trees donations for like kids from the school or from the church or wherever it So you have all this other stuff that have to get done not to mention teacher gifts and everything else, right? So there's a lot on your plate and I if anything like me you're trying to control all of that, right and whether it be the parties or you know, the people that you encounter through all of these things like for I'm involved with my kids school and I came back from this conference and one the things that like stuck with me. At this conference like I wrote it down. I highlighted and it a big aha moment for me at the conference was you don't have to make someone else wrong to be right? You don't have to make someone else wrong to be right and what it means is like not that that person is right and you're wrong, but you just let them be let them have their opinion. Let them have their way thinking let them have things the way they want them so that you can have peace right? You can have joy it goes back to that quote. It's like embracing life is letting go of the need to control other people or other things. It doesn't mean you're you're no losing your responsibility for what you are responsible for. If listen to the podcast last week, I talked about taking responsibility, right but that's what we can take responsibility for. It's ourselves and our joy
 
our peace how we are going to enjoy the holidays and the things is we are not going to let other people get the best of us. We're not gonna let other people and agendas or their opinions or their whatever insert the whatever get in way of us enjoying what we need to enjoy and so I was like tested I like thrown into a situation this week where I was tested on this exact point and it made be like, oh my gosh, I have to a podcast episode on this this week because It is just so important and I'll the story. So and I just generalize here but it was involving my child's school and different things. Like I am What's called Pod mom for my kids school. And I'm in charge of all the room parents and what we're doing for our like our class parties. And of whenever have all these people who step up to, you know, lead their room. They're obviously probably going to be more type A so everybody has their ideas. So as the Pod mom like you're in charge all of them, so you're ultimately responsible for what happens with, you the funds you have like think about this isn't our only party for the year and you we're gonna do this and that and how we're gonna rotate and who's responsible for what and all these things and everyone has their own opinions and ideas and you don't have to make anyone wrong right like you don't have to make anyone else wrong to be right. So let them have their opinions let them have their things let them have their time to process but if your job is to make sure the party is executed in such a that it is most efficient for all of the things right. It's a motor sufficient for kids. It's most efficient for teachers. It's most efficient for the parents. It's most efficient for everyone involved then ultimately your job
 
isn't to everyone else happy that's involved in the process. Your job is to make the party a great party, right and you know, allocate the funds responsibly and to figure out how it all is gonna work, but you don't necessarily have make someone else wrong. In order to do that, but since it's your ultimate responsibility, you can just not give weight to someone who is you let's just calm the squeaky wheel right? Like they are they keep like putting their two cents in and two cents in and even if it doesn't really make sense or you whatever it's important to them. Right like whatever they're saying is important to them or they wouldn't want wouldn't be saying it right and have no idea what's going on in their life or anything, you know, they could be having some issues where everything is just kind you making them. I don't say crazy but making them at a heightened level of emotion. so they're just you know, firing back emails after emails off this like emotion that they have that's high that really if you look at the big picture, it's not going to make that big a deal right like it's not gonna make that big of deal. So if you give it weight and start making it make a deal. Then you're just fueling fire and then it creates like confusion for everyone else involved. Right? Because I like had to a conversation and be let's move this offline because we're involving all these other people and now everyone's probably super confused because there's all these emails back and forth and it was just a it just a crazy like dumpster fire of an issue by the end of it. Right and I had just like take a step back. I'm I'm just going to sleep on this I will respond in morning to everything and you know, you just have to it brings me back like I heard Mel Robbins one time and she
 
this like let them Theory where it's like, you again, it goes back you don't have to make somebody else wrong to right. Like if someone else has a different opinion like let them like if you want to run I remember her her examples, like if want to run a five k and you want your husband to run it with you, but he doesn't want to run it like Let them if you want to lose weight, but your friend doesn't want do it with let them right if you want to whatever it Like let the other person be them. Don't you don't have to convince everyone to think like you everyone to do what do? You don't have to convince everyone that your is the way. But if you're in charge of something like just take the control just take you know, don't be rude don't you know, don't try not to ruffle any feathers right? Try to explain why doing it that but just move forward and don't give weight don't have to make someone else wrong to make yourself. Right? Right. Just embrace it like embrace the fact that you might disagree and embrace the fact that you might even be wrong. Like who knows you might wrong like you might not be right, but you're in charge so you're stepping forward own it right like take the responsibility going back to last week, but you also have to give up the control also and that's what this is about right like giving up the control of trying to control that person trying to change that other person's opinion. Again, maybe that person's opinion will wind up changing. Maybe they'll do it your way. Maybe they'll complain about it. Maybe you they'll go bad mouthing you everywhere. Maybe who knows what will happen right? But like you just have to let it go let go whatever's gonna happen. And you you know do what you think needs to done for the right reasons and then you move forward right and let go of the
 
control and trying to control how that person feels or even control if understand like you've explained it. You've done your thing, like go and move on like this could relate to in laws, right? I think about the holidays coming It could relate to party planning. It could relate to you know, who's bringing what it could relate to, you like a lot of things when comes to family and the holidays that you have to just let them be let them go. Let them have their opinion you do you and let them do them. Like they don't have to convinced your way is the right way. You don't need to convinced their way the right Now, sometimes you're just gonna have to like go with the flow and not have your way either like you just have swallow your pride and just be okay. Look we're do it your way. I'm gonna let them I'm not gonna let this bother me. I'm just letting go and you go about and you have to you you're gonna have be at a party with them or whatnot like you just let it go right and it is what it And you if they're happy chances are it's gonna be a better situation when you're in the party or whatever because they're going to be thinking that they got their way and you know, maybe they did right like it's so again let go of that control if you didn't get it your way. That's okay. Right, but if you can just let go of the whole situation and you you and let them do them, but don't hold on to that. Like don't hold them in a space where You hold a grudge or you think about it later or anything? Just let them be and you be you that you can enjoy your life. Right, and I read another quote of course and this quote by Sylvester McNutt the third and it trying to control everything shows that you have no control. It creates anxiety worry
 
and most importantly it proves that living in a fear practice The Art Letting Go you don't need to control every element of life. In fact, you cannot so breathe. Let it and focus on doing the best you can with what you have today. So he went so far as to say you're living in a state fear when you're trying to control everything and I think that's true to an extent. Right? Like I used hate flying. I would hate hate hate flying. was so anxious when I fly and you why it's because wasn't flying the plane like I don't love riding the with other people. I want be the driver right but in a plane like I can't like if I get on there it's like we're in it's in God's hands and my now that's what do. I give over to God. say a prayer and I'm good and I just let it go but like, you know it it was a fear because I'm not in control because I'm on this aircraft I decided to put myself there, but I have no control of what happens when we're in air if there's turbulence or what anyone else on that plane is going to do, you like somebody could you just stretch screaming a baby could behind you a dog whatever on the plane like you just A completely let go of your control to get on an airplane. Like I don't know people that are control freaks. Do feel me on the airplane thing or is it just me? I know but You that was a fear of mine that I believe was stemmed more in the fear that had no control over anything then it was this the stemmed fear of like being up in air or the of it. All you like all like makes me uneasy thinking about it. Like when you're up there like that, you're really that far up there. don't like thinking about it at all. But I don't know if it's just because like you literally have no control over
 
it and I'm sure I'm sure that other people can relate to that but I'm going to challenge you guys this week what want you to do because want to keep these short and sweet and hopefully this kind like it may have ruffled some feathers, but want you to really think about what it is that you're trying to control in life. What is it that you're trying really hard to control? That's really not in control. It's not something that you can control like if it's something within yourself that trying to control and you're trying get a handle on you know, that's one thing but if it's something outside of yourself, what is it that you're trying to control or manipulate that is another way. We tend like want other people to do what we want them to do and we might use guilt we might use, you other things that we have in our tool belt to manipulate someone to control them. So what is it just think about this in your life. Like what is it that you're trying to control? And then how can I? Do it better. How can I release that control so that I can enjoy my life more How can I Not focus on trying to control that person or that thing or that situation. How can I and again, I'm go back to last week which is taking responsibility if haven't listened to it go listen, but how can I take a little responsibility in my Feelings of wanting to control them, right? And own that and release it. How can release some that and in turn enjoy my peace and enjoy this holiday season more and enjoy, you the things that are because this
 
month this month in particular December is a month where we all get in the weeds. You it doesn't matter if you have a full-time job a part-time job. If you are a stay-at-home mom, it it does not matter what your position is in the month of December. It seems to be a really busy month and it gets crazy and emotions run high and it Especially when times get busy that's when I latch onto the control even more. So like I came off of this conference and I was like taking responsibility last week. Right? Like I went into it all this and then I come back and I get into this like mundane stuff of all the things I have on my plate to do for work for all my 19 jobs and I like think about this thing that I volunteered for that is causing me all this stress and I go into the control mode like I revert back to it, but what I did was caught myself in it, right? Like I was like, wow, this is really stealing my joy, and I'm not gonna let it do that and I don't have to let it do that. And so I was just like, okay. I'm just going to diffuse the situation and proceed forward right? And so that's what I did. But like it took that reflection it took that me coming off of this event. It took all of this work that I've been doing on myself to even be able to recognize that because in the past I would have just gotten caught up in the The stress of it right? I would have gotten caught up in the stress of it. I would have gotten caught up in the emotion of it and I would have reacted poorly or even if I didn't react poorly. I would have been a stress ball inside and I would have been trying to like make everybody happy and really what happens when you try to make everybody happy as you make nobody happy,
 
right? So I'm just asking you to take a little time and reflect on the things that are bringing you stress the things that are bringing you this pain that you might be trying to control that you may be able to just let go of a bit let them right as Mel Robbins would say just let them and you can gain some of your piece back some of your joy back. So I want to challenge you this week. I want to challenge you to take some time and reflect on those things in your life that are bringing you pain that are bringing you some kind of suffering that maybe you can release the control of right like Release Control release expectations. You guys like release someone else's expectations of of you or release your own expectations of yourself, right? Like you may be trying to control all of the things because you think you have to be in charge of all of these things right or you think you have to be involved in all of these things, like maybe you don't maybe you don't have to be involved in all the things that you have to be involved with maybe you can give other people maybe you can delegate maybe you can have someone else take control of you know, the dinner this year or maybe you can have someone else can take control of the present. Buying or whatever it is. You can release the control and release some expectations and just let some people be right like let them. Whatever you can do this week to tune into your body when you are feeling that stress because the holiday seasons y'all they it brings it up, right? It just brings it up. So just reflect back on that and see what you can do to release some of that control so that you can accept the joy in the peace
 
that comes with that. Right so you can embrace your life and enjoy your life and enjoy these amazing moments with your friends and your family and your loved ones. So that's my challenge for you this week. I would love to hear how this is hitting home with you any feedback you have for me and how this is impacting you and until next week y'all.