Embracing The Path Of Purpose ~ Episode 32 ~ April 4, 2024

welcome back, mamas, or welcome to any new mamas we have with us today. You guys, I am like ta taking a break from regularly scheduled programming. No, that's not. That's not it. But I am actually recording an extra podcast. This week because of the life lessons that I've learned over the last couple of weeks and just the perspective that I've gained from those lessons and from just the way that we're dealing with it reacting to it. And just I think it's so powerful. And I wanted to make sure that I shared it while it was still raw and fresh. And you know. Maybe I'll go back and tweak it when I have some even more perspective or add to it. but I feel like it could be a great tool for us moms especially, and also for anyone really just in dealing with adversity and dealing with things that choices that we've made and the way things have turned out. I'm gonna start with my quote. Here we go. Here we go. My first quote is from Al Franken.

• and this says, mistakes are part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. And, you guys, I have been dealing with something. I've been in like Mama bear mode for this last week, like a week straight of like me, you know. Not really
• not really just protecting, but going into like fixer mode, trying to understand trying to like, you know, Fix, if I could, or reframe, or whatever the situation, so that we can move forward because about a week ago. And I think I actually talked about this on another podcast episode about my daughter. you know, wanting to go to a certain school for middle school, and then us, saying that was not an option for her because of just some things about the school itself.
• and us not wanting to expose her to that, and just not think that it's the best idea for her personally to go there. For a lot of reasons, but just for her. And so we had done. You know our research. At least we thought we had done our research right. We had done some research, and actually like in our community. There are some schools that are public schools that are thought of as like the best public schools around, and and things like that, and so of course, we were looking at those 2 schools and also we looked at one private school of a school we had toured a while back. Couple of years ago, actually and we had ruled out the one school just because some of families at that school were telling us some things that we didn't absolutely love. And so we had. It narrowed down to these 2 other schools. And Gabriella did not really like the tour of the one school. She didn't love the tour of the other school, either. But she actually liked some like she. She knew a couple of kids there. She liked some of the things we heard telling her about the school. and she had completely changed her frame of mind about going to this school, and we as parents like my husband and I really never considered that she wouldn't get into this school right? We knew that in the past it has been all about like your merits, and they used to test you in and you know you had to do all of these like it it was based on like like your academics, I feel like and We knew that Gabriella had the academics like I'm pretty sure there's like hardly anyone that could beat her in terms of academics. And then, you know, she's like the Vice president, student counsel, and she's a kindergarten mentor, and she's, you know, one of the main characters in their play this year for the school, and you know she plays basketball they were undefeated like. Not that matters, you guys, but like still things that would add to her like she's in, you know. She actually goes to sixth grade like she goes to a different school for sixth grade math, and is getting she got an a plus or first term, and then 96 or second term. You know, this is just a child who excels test taking into like. She scored off the charts.
• so it never crossed our mind that she wouldn't get into this school but we found out last Thursday. She did not get in, you guys, and it was like a devastating blow because we had put all of our eggs in that basket, and we were just
• in shock, right like we were just shocked. We I was like, oh, my gosh! I don't wanna tell her, because now I've convinced her that this is the school she needs to go to and I didn't convince her, but you know I gave her a lot of ammunition on. Why, it was a great school. I also gave her a lot of ammunition on. Why, this other school was a great school. But she did not feel that tour like she, just for whatever reason I think it was the of that school like it's a very. It's like 3 times the size of her school now, and this other school was like the same size as her school now, and so I think that was honestly like the reason she didn't like the other school. So anyway. back to the story, you guys, she didn't get in, and we were all devastated like I I was like I was like super emotional. I like literally went into Mama Bear like I was immediately like furious. And then I was like crying. I was like angry, sad, like. I didn't know what to think like we didn't play politics so we totally could have played politics. It was actually like a decision
• that I didn't really make intentionally like not telling I did tell like one of the people that I knew could put in a good word for us just to put in a good word for us. But I know how she is, and she's not like she's just. She's kind of like us, like she's just not. She's not going to play politics, she would definitely, you know, give her opinion and put and put in a good word for us, but like she's not going to play politics and and I and I didn't tell some other people I could have told to like. Really, you know, I just I'm the girl who, when I went to college, right when I went to go to college, I got reject. I only applied to one school.
• I knew where I wanted to go, since I was little. I absolutely loved the University of Kentucky, and I was going there, and I got my rejection letter, and I was like what no like. They only rejected me because
• of my act score and my act score was 1 point too low. And it was because my reading, my reading, you guys, I do not enjoy reading. I've talked about this before. I love reading self development. Self help, books, love stuff like that. But I do not like history. I don't like like I don't get into any of that, and I just don't want to read it, and I don't want to
• to read a novel like for fun like that is not fun for me. I love like, I said, reading, self-development books. But novels are not my game, you know, and so I did. Horrible on reading like the you know the reading, comprehension, the history part of things like I just did not do well on certain parts of my test, and I did really well in other parts of my test, and at the time my dad was kind of like a quote, unquote celebrity in the town that that that Uk is in, and so he could have easily pulled strings for me to get in. And I was like, absolutely not. You will not call anyone. You will not do anyone do anything. I'm going to go to what was called Sylvan Learning Center at the time, and I'm going to fix my grade, and I'm going to get in and on my own merits like I didn't want any help, you know whatever.
• So it was just like a principal thing for me, like I did not want him pulling strings to get me into college like I was getting into college right? So so I did that right, and I did. I went to Sylvan. I got my reading score up. I wound up, you know, a few points higher than I had had before, and I was higher. Then I needed to be to get into the school and then guess what they accepted me. And my dad did not pull any spring strings for me or anything, you guys. And I was so proud of that right. And Gabriella and I are a lot of you know, similar in a lot of ways. We're perfectionists, you know, like her dad, is that, too. So it's just like it's like.
• I didn't want her to ever think that she got in because of what we did for her. I wanted her to know she got in on her own right, and I honestly believe she would get in on her own, and I did not think that you needed to play politics in order to get in. And now I believe differently right? And so hey? If I could go back and do it again, though, you guys.
• I wouldn't, I wouldn't. And that is what brings me to my point this week. It's that we all learned a lesson this week, right? We learned a lesson that it's really hard. It's really hard. But guess what? Now we get to go and look at some of these other schools that we hadn't considered. And, you guys, I I went to. We went and looked at my Alma Mater, where I went to grade school. which I had honestly never considered for her, because of the fact that it is a Catholic school, and we are no longer Catholic, and I believed you had to be a parishioner in order to go there and even if you didn't. I wasn't really sure like how you know, that would feel for her and everything. So we just kind of had ruled it out. And then there was another. 2 other schools, one Catholic, also one Christian, that I was just like, these are really good schools. We should look into them. And so we've toured 2 of the 3 schools. One actually didn't even get back to us. But we toured 2 of these other schools this week, and we really like both schools like. And so now she's gonna shadow. And we're looking back at the first school thinking.
• why did we even think this was the best school like the way that we were treated there the way. You know, when we went on their tour, and then through like the process of emails and things like that like it all? Didn't we? Didn't love it right like we didn't love anything really about the school other than like what their you know what their academic record is, and then what some families had told us about the school. Right? And so, you know, we know it's a good school like, we know it's a good school, but it was it the best school for her? And again, I'm thinking, no, now, and now you know how you hear. Rejection is God's protection right like. I now truly believe that this was God who, like came and on our behalf, did this. But you guys my point in telling you. All of this is just that we could have been so
• caught up in the fact that we didn't get in. And there is another opportunity like th where possibly you could get in in the summer, like if you wait for like the second round, or whatever for her to get in, and we could have tried to make that happen. And Yada Yada Yada. But, like I, I at this point am realizing that that was actually the best thing for her.
• It was for us not to get in, and it was a really like hard life lesson. And the other thing I wanted to say is we get to choose, and I know you all hear me talking about this a lot, too, but we get to choose how we deal with.
• and the attitude that we take towards things that happen to us right, and instead of choosing to just like, Go this battle and try to figure out why she didn't get in, and which I did try to figure out why she didn't get in. And and I did actually get an answer and it and it's it.
• I don't know if it's even true. But you know they they said something about it's not a big deal like, you know. I don't know if it's true or not it what that doesn't even matter. What matters is that I could have taken all my time and energy and put it into that. and, you know, been like, let's fix this and whatever, instead of tuning in to myself and being like, I got quiet, I started praying, and I was like, Okay, did this happen for a reason? What are some other schools? Let's try to see. And let's try to fix this because I could have also said, Okay. Gabriella. Now let's really go back and look at this other middle school that you toured and and let's let's go there, you know. And instead, I was like, well, maybe this all happened for a reason. Let's look at what we haven't looked at before.
• And you guys, these these schools are both really good schools. Like, you know, I'm like 100% of the kids coming out of this one school. Got 100% of them got a college scholarship because this school goes all the way through twelfth grade. And I was like, what like 100% of the kids getting, you know, scholarships to a school is kind of crazy, right? And then the other school, you know, is only elementary.
• But what I found about out about their programs, and everything are super impressive, and a lot has changed in the way they run the school and the way that things have gone. You know, and it just it. It just opened my eyes to like. You really need to always know that you have a choice with how you deal with things, and you have a choice
• of, you know, tuning in and figuring out like for you what is the best solution like? What is the best way to deal with something when life gets hard. When you get thrown a curve ball, when something like this happens, do you just shut down. Do you go into like anger? Sadness, like. you know? Take a minute, feel your feelings right. I always talk about that like feel your feelings, but then make a decision to not stay there, to not stay in those feelings, to actually figure out what you're gonna do about it, and then go do it. Take the action to, you know, make the the situation better in one way or another. And so I found when I was looking at this you know, for quotes, this isn't actually a quote. It's more like a poem. But I'm gonna read it real quick, because it says choice is the most powerful tool. We have.
• Everything boils down to choice. We exist in a field of infinite possibilities. Every choice we make shuts an infinite number of doors, and opens an infinite number of doors at any point. We can change the direction of our lives by a simple choice. It is all in our hands, our hearts and our minds.
• Y'all, when I read that I was like, wow! That is so unbelievably true. We every choice that we make like, not just.
• you know, things like this that are big, but every choice we make shuts, doors. and it opens doors right. And we have to believe. And I believe that even when you shut a door. if that door was supposed to be the one that you were, you were supposed to take, that door will wind up opening at a different point in time. Right?
• It wasn't the right door for you at that time, but it will wind up, reopening at a different point in time when you are ready to receive it. When you are ready for that door to be there. If something is truly meant to be, it will wind up being anyway, right? And so that is why I believe that we need to make choices. We need to make decisions in our lives for ourselves to not be fearful right to not live in the fear of choosing the wrong thing like tune in, make a choice, and move forward, and we can get so overwhelmed when it comes to our children, because we're not choosing for ourselves, we're choosing for them. And so like this was super devastating to me like this one. Shi situation with the school was super devastating to me because I felt like it was my fault, and I was the one who prevented her from going there, because I chose to not use like people outside like to help us to get into the school.
• But I really feel like that I I I can't blame myself for that either. Right like that's the choice that I made, and that is, it did shut doors, probably right, but it also opened up all these other doors right? And if she really meant to go there like, it'll happen again. But I just don't think that's the case. I don't think that that is the case. I do not believe it. I believe that she was meant to be somewhere else.
• and you just have to go with your gut, and I believe your gut is God, and you know you have to go internal. You have to pray about it. You have to do whatever it is that you do to get in tune with. You know I'm not saying, make haphazard decisions, haphazard decisions. I'm just saying to tune in and then trust yourself, your mom.
• your mom body, your mom brain, your mom heart, your mom. Gut it knows it knows what decision you should make, and then walk forward in that decision like with in stride, like, just take it like it's supposed to happen. And like I said, things might wind up opening themselves. you know, up in a in a later for you later, if that really was a choice that you were supposed to make in the other direction. So it wasn't a choice that you were supposed to make right now, like it just wasn't like you wouldn't have been ready to see receive it, even if you had made that choice now.
• So just know that the timing is always right if you're tuning in. So I just really wanted to speak to you guys about this, because I know a lot of times, especially as mothers, we get caught in our own head about these decisions. We make bigger deals about them than we should be, and we should just be trusting ourselves. Because.
• you know, if it's a decision for ourselves, that's a big decision, that's one thing, but when it's a decision for our child, it's a super big thing, right? And we always feel like, responsible or like we have failed them, or something, if we've made the wrong decision. And you know what. I just believe that that is just not true. And I thought that that was something that needed to be shared today. And so I wanted to share that. There was one more quote that I had the the I should have put it in in the middle. I'll go ahead and read it just because there's some people that might be in this spot right now that need to hear this, but I'll go ahead and read it, and then we'll end so when you fall. The grace of allowing yourself to just lay there resting in the mess for a while before rising again can be the most tender form of self-care. Practice it. And this was from somebody who does the it's like a I don't know. It's called sweat pants and coffee. I don't know what our name is. It's like Hoffman, Nene Hoffman. And you guys, I think that you know when you are, when you have that moment where you have fallen, where you have. you have had that moment where it's hard, and you feel like maybe you did make the wrong choice, or maybe you did do something wrong. I'm not saying like I said before, to just S. To just not feel the feelings like sometimes feeling those feelings like, she said, can be the most tender form of self care, because you're allowing yourself to feel like what you're truly feeling. You're not trying to just shove it down and then move forward like. Sometimes you really need to feel the feelings and then get quiet and tune in and say, Okay, now, what? Now? What? Right?
• So I just feel like that might have been something that someone needed to hear. And so I wanted to make sure I touched on that. But, you guys, I hope you get my heart today. You know, no matter what happens, believe that it's happening for you. Trust your gut and make choices that you believe to be right for you and for your children. So with that. Y'all, I will talk to you next week.